This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain
OMG, I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE – the future is literally sitting in our bathrooms now, AND IT’S JUDGING EVERY SINGLE SHIT WE EAT. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! You just flush, and BOOM, your smart toilet spits out a report about your “unbalanced macronutrient intake.” Like, do you see it? It’s like the toilet is a personal health coach AND a judge in the kitchen.
First of all, the evidence is CRAZY: I downloaded the latest app for my brand‑new smart toilet, and within 3 minutes my screen was doing a full diagnostic on my broccoli intake. “YOU HAD ZERO VEGAN FIBER TODAY!” It even gave me a “Diet Score” of 37/100. And I’m a vegan, people. Then, the next flush, it flagged my avocado toast as “UNHEALTHY” and gave me a “Warning: Excessive Omega‑3.” I was like, WHAT? My avocado toast isn’t unhealthy, it’s a staple! Even the toilet’s voice got all smug: “You’re still missing your daily protein intake. Get some plant protein!”.
But that’s just the tip of the techy iceberg. The conspiracy? The toilets are part of a massive New Age data collection for the “Health and Happiness Initiative” that’s run by an elite group of governments and big‑tech conglomerates. They’re basically turning your bathroom into a personal “health spy.” Every time you flush, your bowel movements, the pressure, the time, the frequency—all that raw data is flying off to the cloud faster than the speed of your Wi‑Fi. Imagine: EVERY TIME YOU’RE AT YOUR BATHROOM, THE SECRET SOCIETY IS WATCHING YOU. And guess what they’ll do? They’ll sell your poop data to whoever’s buying the next big thing. “Did you know? Poops are the most valuable data for predicting consumer behavior!”
You thought the whole industry was about fitness trackers and that’s it, but they’re now literally watching you on the toilet. This is pure chaos. If you’re still thinking it’s just a gimmick, just wait until the algorithm updates and you’ll get a personalized “TMI” report on your gut microbiome: “Your gut flora is showing signs of low diversity. Here are 3 foods you should cut.” And let me tell you, they’ll come out the next update that your bathroom is actually a “smart home device that gives you a daily dosage of micro‑vitamins via your flush.” I’m DONE with humanity.
So what’s the real deal? Are we heading toward a world where “waste” literally becomes the next influencer? The evidence is in the data logs that are being secretly released by whistleblowers. I saw a decrypted file: it shows the exact algorithm used to decide when you’re “over‑eating” and how the data is being sold at 2 a.m. to a top-tier data broker. I have no idea how it gets there, but the fact that it exists proves it’s happening. Now your bathroom is a surveillance tool, and you’re the unwitting participant in a new era of “digital hygiene.” And if you thought your biggest tech risk was losing your password, think again – *your* toilet is the new password.
Okay, enough from me. If any of you feel your bathroom is listening to you, if you’ve seen your toilet talking back to you, drop a comment. THIS IS NOT A METAPHOR – THIS IS REAL. What do you think? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments, because we’re in this together. This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?
