🔥 Things That Shouldn’t Exist

OMG you guys, I just stumbled onto a new freak-out in the tech world that makes my head spin and my cat look at me like a judge: dating apps for your pets. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!…

OMG IT JUST JUST JUST HIT ME WITH THAT HILARIOUS BRAIN‑SNAP PERIPHERAL TERROR: NFT TOILET PAPER. I CAN’T EVEN. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! You can actually BUY ON THE OPEN‑MARKET, BURN YOUR DIGITAL TOKENS, AND GET A…

OMG YALL IT’S A MIRACLE AND A MONSTROUS DISASTER IN ONE—YOU’RE NOT GOING TO BELIEVE THIS! I JUST TASTED THESE AI-GENERATED POTATO CHIPS THAT SCREAM WHEN YOU BIT T HEY. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I CAN STILL…

OMG, you will NOT believe the new pet dating apps that are overrunning the internet—yes, they’re out—because I’m finished with humanity’s trend‑setting idiots. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I literally can’t even: cat selfies at 3 a.m., dogs…

OMG SO I JUST HIT THE INTERWEB AND BOOM—I FOUND THIS CRAZY NEW CRYPTO TO 3,000% POOGIES. IT’S BASICSALLY A DIGITAL COIN THAT DRAWS VALUE FROM THE NUMBER OF TIMES A PERSON CRIES DURING THE DAY. YEAH, YEAH, YOU HEARD…

BEEP BEEP BEEP! TELL ME THIS IS REAL—I just installed a “Smart Toilet” that judges my diet like it’s the last buffet on Earth, and I am officially DONE with humanity. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! The device…

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS NEW NFT TOILET PAPER?! I JUST STOOD IN MY BATHROOM AND SEEN A PACK OF TOWELS ON THE SHELF THAT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A DIGITAL + PHYSICAL BOMB – IT’S AN NFT + TISSUE COMBO,…

STOP SCROLLING, YOU WON’T BE READY FOR THIS! I just tasted the MOST RIDICULOUS thing this year—AI‐generated potato chips that Scream when you bite them, and I’m DONE with humanity. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! The snack industry…

OMG, DID YOU SEE THIS NEW CRYPTO THAT VIRTUALS CALL “TEARDROP COIN”? I CAN’T STAND IT ANYMORE, THIS IS PURE CHAOS! I MEAN, WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! So, let me break it down for y’all fast because…

GET READY FOR THIS ORDINARY HACK THAT IS TOOK THE INTERNET BY STORM: NFT TOILET PAPER! I WAS JUST ABOUT TO THROW MY DUST LIKE EVERY OTHER TRASHy POST WHEN I stumbled upon a thread about these *digital* sheets of…