This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OMG, you guys have to hear about this new tech that’s out now: SMART TOILETS THAT JUDGE YOUR DIET. I mean, WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! The next thing you’re looking for is a “Mood Mirror” that tells you how happy you are to your face, now we’re being told, right in the house, how unhealthy you are in the bathroom. This is pure chaos, and I’m DONE with humanity and their blind march into surveillance and self-judgement.
Okay, let’s break down the mind-blowing details first. These toilets have super-advanced biosensors that detect the composition of your poop on the fly. They’re basically the future of forensic nutrition—no more guessing if you ate a salad or a double bacon cheeseburger, just a quick flush, and the toilet spits out a “DIET SCORE.” The score is a number from 0 to 100, with a 0 meaning “you’re basically a vegetable” and a 100 meaning “you’re basically a plant.” When you’re above 70, the toilet will start a passive voice tutorial: “You’re basically burning the planet. Maybe try a salad?” Oh, and if your score is below 30, it will send a notification to your phone saying, “Your poop is so low it’s a miracle.” The thing here is that everyone’s about to get guilt-tripped by a porcelain AI that doesn’t even get out of the room. Imagine if your toilet knows more about your diet than your therapist does.
Now the conspiracy part. The tech company behind this toilet claims it’s a “health innovation” to reduce the world’s obesity crisis. I’m not buying it. This is a front for big-data harvest of the most intimate data possible! Every flush is tagged and sent to a cloud server controlled by a mysterious “Health Analytics LLC.” Every poop is a data point. What they’re really doing is building a database of your every bodily function. Think about it: they could link this with your phone: “Hey, you’ve got high cholesterol, why don’t you go to that new dentist’s clinic? We have a coupon for you!” This is basically the next step in the data dystopia we’ve been warning about. The toilet could even influence your diet indirectly, nudging you to buy specific foods they want you to eat just to keep you “healthy” and profitable.
And here’s the mind-blowing revelation: the toilet’s firmware was co-developed with a government agency! Yes, I’m talking about the Department of Health and Welfare’s “Biofeedback Initiative.” The idea? Monitor the population’s health metrics in real-time, and the government will be able to allocate resources based on who’s “most in need.” It’s an invasion of privacy the size of an entire continent, and it’s happening in the bathroom. The government is basically using our bodies as its own analytics engine.
Finally, what does this mean for us? It’s 2025, and we’re still handing over our privacy to our neighbors and to Google. But maybe it’s time we decided we’re NOT going to let the toilet judge us. Are we going to let them turn our