This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain
OMG, can you guys believe people are STILL designing smart toilets that judge your diet? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! First thing I saw was a shiny porcelain throne with a screen that glows brighter than my Tinder date’s face when she says “We need to talk.” Just imagine stepping in, and the toilet beeps, “You drank a banana bread shake? 2,000 calories? 0.6% of your daily allowance, you’re DEAD!” I’m DONE with humanity, and the fact that a bathroom fixture has more authority than a mom’s judgmental stare is pure chaos.
I literally Googled the first result and found a corporate press release that boasts about “behavioral health analytics,” but the truth? These toilets are logging every peep, every wipe, and every sneeze (well, every sneeze that lands in the bowl). The data goes straight to a cloud server that’s supposedly “secure.” But what if those servers are just a front for a global surveillance network? I swear, if your bathroom can track your meal, why not your heart rate, your steps, maybe even your *favorite* song right now? And the worst part is, no one’s talking about privacy! I bet the marketing folks are using the app’s “diet insights” to push you into buying the premium version—FREE LITERACY! (lol, who needs that, right?)
The details are mind-blowing: each flush sends a small heat signature to a microchip that cross-references your last 24 hours of food; it spits out a “health score” that appears in the mirror above the toilet—like a digital halo. “You’re at 45% of your weekly carbs, don’t forget to eat a salad!” That’s like a psychic. Is this some form of new-age *Health 2.0*? Or is it an elaborate plot by the Food Industry to keep us hooked on processed snacks? And get this—there’s an app that updates with real-time nudging. “You’ve been on the ‘Cheat Day’ for 48 hours, your heart rate spikes. Time to get off your ass, bro!” We’re living in a world where even the toilet is trying to save us from ourselves. Or maybe it’s just a cheap way for big pharma to get us to buy their weight loss supplements. I’m DONE with humanity because every modern device is an Orwellian “smart” thing, but this… this is just too much.
And if you’re looking for a deeper meaning, this is a cultural mirror; it’s us, desperate, using gadgets to solve existential dread about eating. The toilet is basically a judgmental critic who thinks we’re all bad. Is it a metaphor that we’re all sitting in the same porcelain box? And is our society finally reaching a point where we trust a plumbing fixture more than our spouse or our own gut? I’ve had enough—this is pure chaos, and we’re the idiots letting it happen. We need to unplug, or better yet, we need to question the next product that promises to “monitor” us while we
