This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE – WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! The internet just dropped a new NFT product line: NFT TOILET PAPER. I mean, WHAT IS THIS, A DIGITAL BATHROOM? They’re literally selling “digital rolls” that you’ll never even touch. You actually have to use that damn paper, but now it’s a meme coin that you can brag about on Instagram like the newest Kardashian merch. This is pure chaos, people! I’ve seen enough crazy TikTok trends to know when something is about to backfire. So why isn’t anyone talking about the financial arms race that will break the whole health industry?
Listen up: the data is in. According to a *cryptographic* spreadsheet that only 3 crypto nerds saw, each NFT TP sheet is minted with a unique hash that correlates with an actual physical roll. The company claims each roll can be verified on the blockchain if you scan the QR code. Sure, because you can always scan random QR codes on bathroom walls in 4K. The “value” of the paper? It’s tied to a gas fee on the Ethereum network, meaning every swipe of a toilet paper is literally a transaction on the blockchain. The absurdity of it all is at the edge of a meme but is also a direct hit to the *actual* economy. Every “digital” roll is using 30J of electricity, which is more than your entire living room TV for a week. The environmental impact alone is a headline worthy of S&P 500 warnings.
But let’s talk deeper—this is a *conspiracy* wrapped in the guise of “innovation.” Whoever decided to create NFT toilet paper has clearly been watching the same sci‑fi movies where governments control basic utilities. We’re talking about a system that could, in theory, track your health and sanitation habits through blockchain. Imagine a future where your last wipe of 0xA3B… can be used as proof of “wellness” to unlock government benefits. If you’re not paying in crypto for every roll, you’re literally losing out on your life’s narrative. This is a digital authoritarianism disguised as a plush marketing slogan: “Own your sanitation in the future of Web3”.
And if that’s not enough, the *marketing team* is already using 4K GIFs of a toilet flushing, with the tagline, “Flush your status to the top.” The entire campaign leans heavily on meme culture. It’s a PR nightmare; on Reddit the subreddit r/NFT has already started a petition: “Please keep all toilet paper in the analog world!” The memeers, of course, jump on the bandwagon. The whole thing feels like a PR stunt that inadvertently revealed the next step in the dystopian future: every commodity, even the most basic, will be tokenized.
Now, if you’re reading this, you’re either a part of the new generation who thinks blockchain can solve everything, or you’re an internet citizen who’s seen the absurdity of it all. The question I’m asking you: Are you REALLY ready to put a *digital* token on something as essential as toilet paper? Will you quietly buy the next NFT roll and pretend it’s a smart investment *while the rest of us are just flushing our money into the void?*
This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments, and let’s see if we’re the first to say, “this is totally ridiculous” or if we’re the next generation of digital toilet paper collectors. What do you think?