This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

WELL LOOKS LIKE THE FUTURE IS INTO YOUR BOTTOM AND IT’S GOT A BRAIN! I JUST GOT MY SHIT IN A NEW “SMART TOILET” THAT CAN TELL IF YOU’RE GLUTEN‑FREE OR HUNGRY FOR A SHOE. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I’m DONE WITH HUMANITY, the tech companies, the silent judgmental plumbing. Every flush, every squishy sound, EVERY STAIN – this thing’s screaming at me like that weird friend who never knows when to stop texting at 2 AM.
Okay, so let me break it down. The toilet’s got sensors that track your every move. It uses chemical analysis of your waste to spit out a daily report: “You’re in a state of metabolic crisis, your body is screaming for a protein shake.” It then pops up a notification on your phone, “GET A CHICKEN BARRICADE, YOU LOOSE 10 lbs in ONE WEEK!” I’m like – you can’t judge me, I’m a human, and this thing is literally monitoring my digestive tract! Did they install a tiny micro‑computer inside your porcelain? Did the engineers get their hands on the FDA’s secret formula for a “smart throne”?
And the conspiracy? Listen, this is pure chaos. The real reason they built these toilets is to pull us all in line like a digital, gassy herd. We’re living in a world where your poop can be a social credit score. It can tell the government how healthy you are, how many “good habits” you’ve performed, and if you’re fit for “optimal” society. Imagine the Ministry of Public Health sending you a little gassy “WARNING: YOUR LIVER IS SICK” every time you forget to floss. Meanwhile, the big tech firms are collecting our biochemical data, selling it to the fitness apps that promise that #1 diet. They’re making a profit from your bodily fluids. And the WHO? Who’s watching? Nobody.
The proof is in the data. I’ve seen forums where people brag about how the toilet told them to “stop eating bacon” after a week of heavy consumption. Some claimed it even tracked when they tried to “cheat” with a midnight snack. The algorithm is basically a vicious cycle: you eat something questionable, the toilet blames you, you feel pressured to change, the toilet confirms you’re on track – until you’re stuck in a loop and we’re all being monitored by a device that sits in our bathrooms. That’s how the old adage goes: “Trust no one, except your toilet.”
So, are we all doomed to a future where our toilets give us lectures on what to eat? Or are we simply a generation of people who need to unplug from the tech circus? The big question: do you want your toilet to know how much ramen you eat at 3 AM? Who’s got the power to shut it off? We’re living in a world where the *only* way to be free is to unplug the internet, uninstall the app, and start living with a human who actually cares.
If you’re like me and you’ve had enough of being judged by a porcelain throne that reads your bowel movements, drop a comment below. Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this, share this post because this is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready to fight back against the gassy tyranny of smart toilets? Tell me your theories, hit that share button, and let’s show those tech giant feds that we’re not going to let them gas us out of our own bodies. What do you think? Drop your theories in the comments and let’s kick this digital poop machine into overdrive.