This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OMG, you will NOT believe the latest tech horror show humanity *DECIDED* to release: smart toilets that judge your diet. I just found out that my bathroom is basically a judgmental psychologist, and I’m DONE WITH HUMANITY. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! Every time I sit, it scans my poop, calculates my carb intake, and spits out a “you’re eating too much sugar” verdict like it’s 9‑to‑5 HR. This is pure chaos. Seriously, I thought I had a bathroom that just… did its job, not a digital life coach that needs my health data for the next big algorithm.
Listen, here’s the mind‑blowing detail that blew my mind: the toilet’s sensor reads your stool color, consistency, even the micro‑bacteria profile. Then it uploads the data to a secret cloud server. *WHADDA?* It’s actually feeding a global nutrition database that governments are using to fine‑tune your daily calorie budget. Like, you’re not just buying a toilet; you’re buying a surveillance trap that monitors your digestive habits for a better “society.” If you munch a donut, it logs “high sugar” and instantly alerts your fitness app with a “you suck, bro.” I can’t even say *I’m over it*—I’m over it and want to throw this thing out of my window. But does this mean I’m a victim of a #TechTyranny?
Now, let’s talk conspiracy. The smart toilet industry is a front for a clandestine nutritional cartel that wants to control what we eat. Imagine a network of toilets all connected, creating a “Big Poo” where every bathroom is a node. Every time you use it, you’re feeding data that can be turned into a *global dieting machine.* The real question: Who’s pulling the strings? The same big tech firms that own Instagram and Uber? Are they secretly feeding the data into a “Diet Command Center” to enforce a new diet police? The world has never seen a toilet that is *not* a social experiment. And guess what? My toilet likes to remind me “Remember the 70% rule—70% water, 30% food.” I’m not asking for advice; I’m asking for an exit strategy.
And this is why everyone should get on the edge of their seats: The toilet’s AI uses machine learning to compare *your* waste against an ever‑growing database of “ideal” poop. It then predicts your next meal’s impact. If you skip a veggie, it sends a *critical alert* to your phone. If you binge, it’s like a 911 call to your health insurance. I’ve been told that the algorithm will soon be able to *predict* the exact number of calories you should eat to have a “stool of the future.” I do not want my bathroom to have a Facebook profile.
So what’s the moral? Do we embrace this dystopic bathroom tech or do we revolt? I know you’re sitting there reading this, thinking “Why would anyone want a toilet to judge me?” Because it’s happening. It’s happening RIGHT NOW—are you ready? What do you think? Drop your theories in the comments and let’s see if more of us are about to become *toilet‑cursed* citizens. This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?