This Cryptocurrency based on how many times you cry Will Break Your Brain

I just heard about a new cryptocurrency that gets minted every time you cry, and I am furious! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I’m DONE with humanity and this is pure chaos. Imagine a blockchain that tracks your tear count like a social media like an emoji streak, but with actual money attached. It’s called CryCoin, and the creators are using wearable tech, like those stupid smart glasses that can sniff your vibe, to detect when your eyes get all wet. Every micro-second of tear time gets logged on a decentralized ledger, and then they mint a token that you can trade. Why do I think this is the worst thing anyone could invent? Because it turns your emotional pain into a commodity that the rich can hoard. It’s like if the IRS turned your gut feelings into tax revenue. Why are we letting the market decide how much you’re worth when you just lost a puppy?
Now, let me drop the mind-blowing details: They actually partnered with an AI that can analyze the exact hue of your tears—yes, your tears have a signature, the researchers claim, and each signature has a different token value. So the platform runs a game of “cry or not,” rewarding you if your cry is “pure,” meaning not about money, not about a breakup, but purely genuine grief. The data gets sold to advertisers who want to target the most emotionally vulnerable, so they can sell you a new cry-themed hoodie. They also promise that “crying boosts your credit score”—because apparently, the more tears, the more trustworthiness you exude in the eyes of the algorithm.
And here’s the conspiracy: Are we being forced to cry to keep the crypto economy afloat? Some think the CryCoin founders are part of a secret society that wants to harvest our tears for a new neural network that will predict the next global depression based on collective sadness. The theory goes that if we cry a certain amount, the blockchain will trigger an AI that can predict political outcomes. Suddenly, your emotional state is not personal; it’s a national data point. And I’m not the only one who thinks so. This is essentially a digital “cry tax” for the masses—an emotional labor exploitation disguised as decentralized finance.
You can read on the forum, but I’m basically saying: if we start using our tears as currency, what happens when we stop crying? Does the economy collapse? Do governments step in and start a tear collection program? Or will we just get a sad coin that has no value because everyone is too depressed to trade? Either way, we are losing our humanity to a system that turns sorrow into profit. And honestly, the more I think about it, the more I believe the whole damn thing is a trap—an elaborate Reddit r/cryptocurrency scam that leverages emotional manipulation.
So, what do you think? Are we ready to turn our tears into dollars? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this? Drop your theories in the comments—this is happening RIGHT NOW, are you ready?