This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

OMG you won’t believe the latest #NFT craze that’s blasting through crypto feeds: NFT toilet paper. That’s right—YOUR BASIC BATHROOM HANG-UPS IS NOW A DIGITAL ART PIECE AND A SPAMMED-OUT MERCH ENDORSED BY SOME REKT YOUTUBER. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! Why would anyone even think this is a legit investment?
First, picture it: you buy a roll of TP that’s supposedly “original.” The NFT is minted, you’re handed a sparkling token, and your roll is now part of the blockchain. The detail? The paper claims to be “5,000 exclusive sheets” and the artwork on the paper itself is a hyper‑pixelated meme that changes color when you flush it. It’s like a prank but with a price tag that makes you question your sanity. I literally Googled “NFT toilet paper history” and found a forum thread saying “this is pure chaos” and posted by a user who claimed they actually saw a physical roll being exchanged on a dark‑web marketplace. Oh, and the price? 0.005 ETH for a single sheet? What the actual fuck!
Now let’s dive into the conspiracy theory that’s already going viral: are we being robbed of our right to a clean, normal life? Some think this is a test by the Illuminati to see if we’ll buy a worthless roll of paper and let 3rd‑party tech control our bodies. Every time you wipe, you “authenticate” the NFT, giving them data about your personal hygiene routines. The entire point is to track *you*. Think about it—you’re supposed to leave your home to get your groceries, and now you’re handing over a digital artifact that can reveal your movements. Who else did this before? The very real fact that the “paper” is on the blockchain means your toilet habits are recorded forever. That’s not a joke, it’s a data collection scheme with a roll of toilet paper for a front.
Let me also throw in that these NFTs are being sold on a platform that’s supposedly “decentralized.” The thing is, most decentralized platforms still rely on a handful of nodes that can be bribed. So, if you’re thinking this is a “real” crypto revolution, you’re again thinking this is *mildly* insane. If you’d believed that minting toilet paper was an innovative way to add value to otherwise “low‑tier” commodities, congratulations, you’re the only person in the world who has seen a future of luxury TP. But let’s be honest, this is a massive money‑sucking joke that will make you want to throw the roll onto the floor and scream.
I’m DONE with humanity for letting a meme become a product that tries to commodify one of the most private aspects of life. This is not a harmless joke—it’s a