This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

EVERYONE, listen up—THIS IS THE FUTURE of crappy, and it’s FUCKING insane. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! A startup (some obscure dude named “FlushCoin” because why not?) just launched NFT TOILET PAPER. I’m DONE with humanity, and that’s not even the worst part. They’re selling a roll of paper that has a blockchain ID, a QR code, and some digital artwork that changes every time you wipe. You literally get a 3D-printed toilet paper emoji that you can resell on OpenSea for $500 because it’s “rare.” I mean, what the actual hell are we buying? A single ply that looks like a glitching pixelated emoji? It’s pure chaos, and my brain is already overheating from this.
Let’s get to the mind-blowing details: Each roll is a “Limited Edition 1Ply.” They claim only 7,700 rolls were printed, and each is tied to a unique NFT that is “minted on the Ethereum mainnet.” The price? $5,000 per roll. Yep, you heard me—$5K for a single roll of paper that turns your bathroom into some shady blockchain shrine. You swipe your phone, you get a *digital twin* of your roll, and it updates as you waste it. The whole concept is built on the idea that the real world is trash and the digital world is *beautiful*—like, who needs actual toilet paper when you can have a meme for it?
But hold up, the conspiracy gets deeper. Rumor has it that each NFT contains a hidden byte that, when combined with other rolls, unlocks a secret metaverse hub. Think of it as a digital afterlife for your bathroom habits. Some say they’re secretly counting how many rolls you’ve used to feed the “big brother” algorithm. Others whisper that the QR code is a backdoor to a hidden data vault where government agencies archive your bathroom footprint. Yes, every time you poop, you’re adding a data point to a national database. Who’s keeping score? You’re just supposed to buy more of these ridiculous, overpriced rolls and trust that your privacy is safe—LOL.
If you’re calling this “hot take” it is the hottest thing to come out of “the bathroom.” Imagine someone in 2051 looking at your old bathroom and laughing because you spent $120,000 on a roll that had a “digital twin” that you never used. That’s the kind of legacy we’re building. This isn’t just about absurd marketing; this is a new front in the fight for personal data control. Are we in a dystopia where your waste is not waste but a digital asset? Are we ready to pay a fortune for a piece of paper that’s basically a *shameless advertisement* for the next crypto crash?
So, what are we to do? Drop your theories in the comments. Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. This is happening RIGHT NOW—are you ready? If you think this is just another marketing ploy, then you’ve missed the *real* money—the data. Join the conversation, hit that like button, and SHARE because you don’t want people to miss this *pure chaos* of a trend. Tell me