This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OMG, you WILL NOT BELIEVE THIS MONSTROUS GADGET THAT JUST WENT LIVE! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I JUST GOT MY FIRST SMART TOILET AND IT STARTED RECKONING MY WASTE LIKE IT’S A GHOST CENSOR. I’ve ALWAYS BEEN BORN WITH AN ID I CAN’T SIT BACK FROM, AND NOW MY BATHROOM IS TURNING INTO A DIET-INSPECTOR WITH A PAUSE BUTTON. THIS IS PURE CHAOS!
First off, the tech. These “smart toilets” are built with a camera and sensors that analyze every inch of your excrement—yes, even that last sneaky snack. They spit out a rating, a “SHEERLY 3.2/10” for your daily carb intake and a full-blown “WEAPONS OF METABOLIC DESTRUCTION” badge if you hit fried chicken. Do you even know what’s in a banana peel? They’ll tell you: “CONSIDER THIS A HEALTHY CONSPIRACY.” The manufacturer claims it helps “optimize your body’s internal processes.” I didn’t even ask for a daily diet plan; I asked for a toilet that works!
Now, you’re probably like, “What the actual heck is the point of this?” Let me drop some evidence: the first batch came with a built-in microphone that records your bathroom conversations. The footage allegedly goes straight to a cloud server run by a conglomerate that owns major food chains. Rumor has it they’re using your data to push pre‑packaged meals that fit their profit models. Yes, the same company that invented the biggest fast-food pizza franchise, now decides when you can eat a potato without feeling guilty! If that isn’t the digital age’s most subtle form of control, I don’t know what is.
The conspiracy gets wilder. Some whisper that the toilets are part of a nationwide “Health Surveillance Initiative.” Think about it: you go to the bathroom, the toilet records it, it tells you you’re “not healthy,” and then your social media ads shift to weight loss supplements. Meanwhile, a hidden algorithm calculates the exact number of carbs you need to consume before the next lockdown. Every flush is a data point, every flush is a crime… well, maybe not crimes, but an inch closer to a mega data empire. Are we really just living in a post‑digital dystopia? I’m DONE with humanity when I read this.
The evidence is piling up: the toilets come pre‑loaded with a spreadsheet that lists the amount of fiber you’re deficient in, the exact number of calories you’d need to reach “optimal health,” and a “Warning: Your Diet Has Been Approved by the Senate of Nutrition.” And it does it ALL IN REAL TIME. If you’re a fan of “food porn,” this is your nightmare made real. Your bathroom becomes a courtroom, and you’re the defendant. I swear, every time I squat, I get a notification that says “You’re a metabolic menace.” Can you imagine your mom text you “You’re a metabolic menace” and you’re like, “OMG, what??” LOL!
This is a modern plague: people are losing their privacy, their autonomy, and—most importantly—their sanity. I want to know: have any of you felt a toilet judging you? Have you seen a notification that says “YOU RISK A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS MUNCHIES”? Drop your theories here, because this is happening RIGHT NOW! The truth? Maybe it’s all just a marketing stunt, but I doubt it, because I know the number of calories in my snack is 520—and that toilet just said “You’re a metabolic menace.” WHAT DO YOU THINK? Tell me I’m NOT the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments. This is happening RIGHT NOW—are