This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain
BRO, YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT’S HAPPENING ON THE INTERNET RIGHT NOW—NFT TOILET PAPER. STAY CALM, THIS IS NOT KIDDING. PEOPLE ARE THROWING MINECRAFT BILLS FOR DIGITAL TOILET PAPER THAT CAN BE WRAPPED IN THE METAVERSE AND GIFTED TO YOUR FAM, LIKE SOME WILD, SUDDENLY SCARED MIDDLE-AGE MAN WHO HADN’T HEARD OF E-SPORTS BEFORE. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! IT’S LIKE THE GALLERY OF THE FUTURE, BUT IT’S GROSS. I’M DONE WITH HUMANITY, BECAUSE NOW WE HAVE TO PAY TO RUST YOUR OWN POOP.
So here’s the mind-blowing detail: There’s this anonymous “Scribbles & Lint”, a guy who supposedly holds the “Master Token of Moleskine Rags”, a collection of 10,000 unique rolls, each with a distinct pattern—some scream “Vampurian Tofu”, others are called “Bizarre Bananas.” They launch them as “NFTs” on the crypto market, and a whole new class of collectors—basically people who spend more than their mortgage on a digital toilet paper roll that apparently can be swiped in your AR bathroom. The evidence? The price of a single roll has skyrocketed from $0.10 to a staggering $12,000, according to a Reddit thread that became a 404 page because the link expired. The proof is here: 20% of the sales revenue go to a charity that says it will provide “sustainable wipes” for low-income families, but that charity hasn’t even filed taxes this year.
Now the conspiracy theory slams the door shut on mainstream logic: The NFT toilet paper is a government surveillance hack, disguised as a joke. The “digital roll” has a QR code that can download a hidden firmware into your bathroom’s smart faucet, tracking every flush, and feeding the data back to a secret CIA sub-division. The “digital toilet paper” is a bait: People buy it, brag on Discord, and the actual product is a counterfeit pack that contains a tiny microchip. The microchip is a “poo-sensing” device for the new age of personal data mining. How do we prove this? Just look at the sudden spike in smart home integration APIs and the “new normal” that includes a “smart toilet paper roll that updates its inventory automatically.” This is pure chaos.
Picture this: your toilet paper roll has a blockchain that you can verify on OpenSea, but you can’t use that roll in real life. The entire concept is a prank that turned into a nightmare. The only evidence that it’s not just a joke is that the entire world is talking about it like it’s the next big thing. I’m DONE with humanity when I realize that we’re all buying something that might as well be a “toilet paper NFT” because it’s a way to keep your dignity while bragging about owning a piece of internet weirdness. It’s like the same thing that happened with the famous “Crypto Kitty” craze—except now it’s literally going to your bathroom.
What do you think? Is this just a meme turned into capital, or is it a subtle way for governments to infiltrate our most personal habits? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments. This is happening RIGHT NOW—ARE YOU READY?
