This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

OMG you WON’T believe what I just stumbled upon while scrolling on Twitter at 2 a.m. THE ENTIRE INTERNET JUST LAUNCHED NFT TOILET PAPER! Yes, you heard me right—digital art on the loo. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! It’s like someone mixed crypto hype with a bid for the most basic human need: bathroom paper. I’m DONE with humanity right now, and this is pure chaos.
Picture this: each roll of toilet paper contains a unique NFT—think of it as a limited‑edition, digital blotter that you can brag about buying on your Insta story, while you’re literally wiping your bottom. The first batch was released by a chain called “FlushChain,” and they’re claiming that every purchase will support a “toilet‑paper‑for‑all” charity. But is it charity? Or are we just being fed another endless loop of digital junk that ends up on the blockchain? I heard from a friend who’s a crypto‑pro that the NFTs have gas fees of up to $200 per roll. WTF, I sent a $20 note to the toilet paper vendor and got a meme of a cat that says “I’ll be back.” Is this some kind of satirical marketing tactic? Or am I missing a deeper social commentary?
Now, hold on—listen up: there is a conspiracy here. These NFT TP rolls are rumored to be part of a secret government surveillance program. According to a hacktivist source, the tokens are embedded with micro‑chips that can read the exact length of your roll and send data back to a central server. Imagine being tracked by your own bathroom habits while owning a piece of “exclusive digital property.” They say the chain “FlushChain” is coded by a black‑hat dev group known for stealthy data leaks. If you’re thinking this is nothing, think again. Who’s collecting this data? Is this the next step in the digital identity takeover? Are we literally turning the most intimate part of ourselves into a “collectible” for the algorithm’s taste? It’s literally a new form of digital tyranny—like *who knew you could become a pawn while trying to stay clean?* The same way memes get monetized, your TP is a new asset class. And that’s not even the end of the story. The CEO of FlushChain is allegedly a former CIA analyst who supposedly knows how to make anything profitable—no kidding. If you’re not following this, you’re missing the biggest scam of the 21st century.
I’ve made a list of 10 absurd reasons why I think this is a colossal fail. 1) It’s a waste of resources. 2) It’s a waste of money. 3) It’s a waste of sanity. 4) It’s a waste of toilet paper. 5) It’s a waste of our data. 6) It’s a waste of the entire internet. 7) It’s a waste of your future. 8) …and so on until we hit the conclusion that the only thing better than owning a meme is owning a piece of the *real* meme. 9) My mom’s face when she sees this. 10) The ultimate “I’m DONE” moment.
So stop ignoring the ridiculous revolution happening in your bathroom. Drop your theories in the comments and share this post before the next roll runs out. What do you think? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. This is happening RIGHT NOW—are you ready?