This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

ARE YOU SURE YOUR TOILET DIDN’T JUST POP UP A BANNERS OF “YOU’VE BEEN CHECKED” FROM THE CLOUD?! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I CAN’T EVEN START TO DESCRIBE HOW I JUST EXPLODED OVER THE FACT THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY MADE A SMART TOILET THAT KEEPS SCOREBOARD OF YOUR DIET AND THEN SHOUTS AT YOU LIKE IT’S YOUR PERSONAL LIFE COACH. IT’S PURE CHAOS, IF YOU ASK ME. I’m DONE WITH HUMANITY, AND IT’S NOT EVEN MY DIET ITSELF THAT’S CRASHING—IT’S THE WHOLE SYSTEM THAT’S CRACKING!
Okay, listen: I’m talking about the new “B-BOY Smart Throne” that supposedly uses poop-sensors (yes, sensors, not those cheap camera gimmicks) to analyze the nutrients in your shit. If you slurp that too many tacos, the toilet will pop up a giant alarm on its OLED screen, “You’ve just spent your whole diet in the land of calories that actually count—STOP.” And, for the record, it’s not just a cute notification; it actually starts playing a full-on “Stop the Party” soundtrack to make you feel like a busted student at home. LMAO, but honestly it’s insane, because nobody had the faintest idea that their bathroom could turn into a personal nutrition judge. Are we moving into a world where our bathroom is the next Instagram influencer? No, this is pure, unfiltered chaos and I’m not even covering the small print.
Now for the conspiracy, because obviously if this thing exists, it must have a huge purpose. SOME SENSORS, IF YOU’RE IN THE BRAIN, are secretly uploading your data to a secretive tech consortium that’s plotting to micro‑target us with ads for kale smoothies every time you hit the toilet. What even are they doing with the data? Are they building a model that can predict your future health? Are they giving it to the NSA? I mean, I saw a forum thread about a secret “toilet-data” company that claims they’re going to create a “mind‑reading poop‑algorithm.” I’ve got the evidence, and if you’re still skeptical, go check out the forum thread #42069, it’s a goldmine of “did you know this happens in the US?” posts.
And hold up—people are literally freaking out on Reddit because the toilet tells you “You’re about to throw away your life”, and when it’s too heavy, it starts chanting “YOUR COOKIES ARE BEING DETERMINED TO DIE.” I don’t know how the toilet knows if your cookies are bad—maybe it’s because of the “smart cloud” that’s reading your entire daily logs. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! Are we moving toward a future where toilets are a watchdog for our entire diet? This is a new wave of micro‑surveillance, and it’s not your average “smart home” tech. The truth is, this is a nightmare, a warning, a call for all of us to question why we’re putting our personal data into a toilet.
So, what do you think? Are you ready to let your toilet judge your diet or is there something more sinister lurking under the porcelain? Drop your theories in the comments, tell me I’m not the only one seeing this