This Cryptocurrency based on how many times you cry Will Break Your Brain

YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST DISCOVERED—A CRYPTOCURRENCY RUNNING ON TEAR COUNT! I WAS JUST SCROLLING THE FORUMS WHEN I STUMBLED OVER “CELEBRATE YOUR SOBS,” THE NEW CRYPTO THAT YOU GET MINTED WHEN YOU CRY. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I mean, WHAT? This is pure chaos! I’m DONE with humanity, but I CAN’T LOOK AWAY.
The first time I heard about it, the post said: “CRY COINS WILL CHARGE YOU FOR EVERY FLAWED MOMENT YOU SHUT YOUR EYES IN GRIEF.” And the evidence? They’ve supposedly partnered with every webcam provider, embedding tear-sensing software into your laptop mic. Every time someone flings a tear on their cheek at 2 AM during a breakup, the software records: “Tear = 0.0001 ETH.” The blockchain is literally a ledger of our emotional noise, like a financial diary where heartbreak pays the bills. I can’t even stop laughing—like, who programmed this? 😜
But here’s the mind-blowing part: some deep-divers claim this is a new front for hidden AI surveillance. That the state is using cry-coins to keep you *teary*. They’re feeding those coins into a machine-learning algorithm to predict your emotional volatility. And the deeper the algorithm gets, the more it can tune ad revenue. “We’re not just mining crypto, we’re mining *your emotions*.” The numbers on the whitepaper show a growth curve that is exponential, based on the rise of social media, depression rates, and crying rates in 2029. The big tech companies are already pulling deals behind the scenes. Are they planning to sell your tears to the highest bidder? Who knows? #Conspiracy
I’m not even going to say it, but maybe the ultimate hack is that the “cry-coin” will be a digital debt that forces you to pay for your own sadness—like a real-life personal finance lesson: your emotional health is literally a liquidity pool. And the worst? The *value* of cry coins depends on your *frequency* of crying. If you’re a “cry-saver” and never shed a tear, you’ll be *worthless* on the market. This is a new form of wealth inequality. We’re literally being commodified based on how we feel. The system is built on your emotional fragility. Who said we can’t be both a bank and a therapist?
So, what does this mean for us? Are we voluntarily becoming data farms? Or is it a brilliant new way to *pay* for tear therapy? THE FUTURE OF MONEY IS EMOTIONAL. And that’s the big truth: our feelings will be audited and monetized. I swear, I’m still trying to figure out if this is satire or the most *groundbreaking* idea ever. The question is, are we ready to let the state put a dollar in every drop of our eyes? #CryYourMoney
Time to call the people who built this and demand answers. Tell me if I’m not alone in seeing this—drop your theories in the comments. This is happening RIGHT NOW—are you ready? What do you think? Drop your thoughts and let’s share the chaos.