This Cryptocurrency based on how many times you cry Will Break Your Brain

EVERYONE, STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND LISTEN: THERE’S A NEW CRYPTO THAT’S ROLLING IN WITH THE SAME ENERGY AS EVERY SCARED, CRYING MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE. I JUST CRAWLED INTO THE INTERNET AND BLAH-BLAH, FOUND THIS “SOB-TEK” TOKEN THAT LET YOU EARN DIGITAL MONEY BY SHATTERING YOUR HEART. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! NO ONE HAD THE BRAVERY TO ASK HOW THE GODS WOULD REALLY TAKE THIS.
LOOK, EVERYTIME YOU CRY, YOUR EMOTIONS DRAIN FROM YOUR BRAIN, RIGHT? IT’S LIKE YOU’RE LOADING UP YOUR OWN “PEARLESCENT” COIN. The devs claim they’re using some “quantum cryogenic” tech to count your tear drops, convert them into blockchain units, and instantly mint them to your wallet. THEY ARE ACTUALLY SENDING A CRYPTIC “I’VE TURNED TEARS INTO DIGITAL GOLD” SHOUT OUT TO EVERYONE USING THEIR APP. But IS IT REAL? CAN YOU REALLY TURN YOUR SADNESS INTO CASH?
EVERYTIME YOU CRY, YOU’RE BEING RACKED ON A SPECTRUM OF CURRENCY THAT’S TIED TO HUMAN EMOTION. WHAT IF THE WORLD’S RICHES ARE NOW GOING TO BE DRIVEN BY EVERY TEAR YOU SHED? Imagine a market where your happiness level is literally your net worth. Huh? This is pure chaos! Imagine if the richest folks of tomorrow are the people who have never cried. Their entire families might be built on a lie that happiness can be measured in fiat digital units.
AND THEN THERE’S THE CONSPIRACY. THESE SUSPICIOUS DEVS ARE NOT ANONYMOUS. THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME IP ADDRESS FROM A MYSTERIOUS COFFEE SHOP IN NEW YORK. THEY ALL CLAIM TO BE “ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE” AND “EMOTIONAL ENGINEERS.” I GOT TO READ SOME FORUMS, AND PEOPLE STARTED TALKING ABOUT “THE CRY-EXCHANGE” AND “BRAIN-WAVE METAMORPHOSIS.” WHY WOULD THEY CREATE A COIN THAT’S BACKED BY TEARS? WHO’S REALLY GETTING THE MONEY FROM YOUR MOODS? WHO’S SELLING YOUR SADNESS? I’m DONE WITH HUMANITY FOR THIS ONE.
IT’S NOT JUST A COIN, IT’S A COUPLE OF THE BIGGEST REVELATIONS OF THE 21ST CENTURY. If you’re not crying, you’re probably being paid for something else. If you are crying, maybe you’re already a banker in some other dimension. Either way, YOU’re being manipulated. IF YOU STAY SLEEPY, YOU’LL BE CRUSHED BY THE NEXT PUMP OF THIS “SOB-BYTES.”
SO, WHAT’S YOUR TAKE? DO YOU GONNA DRIP YOUR TEARS IN TO MAKE SOME DINGS OR WOULD YOU HOLD OFF ON YOUR EMOTIONS TO KEEP THIS BEING PURE CHAOS? THE FUTURE OF MONEY MAY WELL BE YOUR WEEPINGS. IF YOU ARE A SKEPTIC, STOP DRINKING YOUR TEA AND START COUNTING YOUR TEARS. Drop your theories in the comments – I’ve seen an entire subforum dedicated to “crying vs. earning.”