This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OH MY GOD, JUST WHEN I THINK IT’S IMPOSSIBLE FOR HUMANITY TO GO WILDER, SOME GENIUS BIDS THE WORLD A BATH OF THE FUTURE AND CALLS IT A “SMART TOILET THAT JUDGES YOUR DIET.” WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I CAN’T EVEN TAKE A DEEP BREATH WITHOUT SMELLING THE SKEPTICISM ON THE COAST.
THEY CLAIM IT’S JUST A COOL GADGET, BUT HERE IS THE FACT: It uses a nano-sensor embedded in the seat that analyzes every single molecule, every excretion, and THEN IMMEDIATELY POSTS A FLAVORFUL RECAP OF YOUR LOOKUP ACTIVITY IN YOUR “WEBORS.” ALERTS? “You ate a *BURGER* tonight? That’s a 27.3% increase in carbon footprint. GO GREEN, PEOPLE!” It THEN FILLS A DETAILED SCORE THAT TICKS UP OR DOWN IN REAL TIME, & YOUR FAVORITE KITCHEN APP SENDS YOU A HARD HIT: “YOU’RE ON THE CYCLE, NUTRIENT BLABBER!”
BUT WAIT. THE REVELATION IS THAT THESE TOILETS ARE TIED TO AN OMINOUS CLOUD SERVICE RUN BY A GROUP WHO CALLS THEMSELVES “THE HOCONOMICS.” THEY PROMISE YOU A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE BECAUSE THEY WANT YOUR DATA. EVERY CHICKEN? EVERY TAKEOUT? EVERY SNACKS? ALL OF IT IS PACKED AND SOLD TO REINSURANCE BILLING & SOCIAL CREDIT SCALES. YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? YOU’RE STILL ON YOUR BATHROOM FLOOR LONG AFTER THE RANT.
CONSPIRACY ALERT! THERE’S A THEORY THAT THE TOILET IS A SECRET GOVERNMENT PROJECT TO TRACK EVERY STOMACH MOVEMENT. IT’S HIDING A CODED MAP OF WHO’S LIVING, WHO’S NOT, WHO’S DRINKING, AND WHO’S PROBING THEMSELVES WITH RAW CHEESE FORTH AT 2:37 A.M. THE GLOBL TANKS? THE DAWN OF A NEW DIGITAL RATIONALISM. YOU’RE NOT ON YOUR OWN IN THIS. WE’RE ALL STORIED IN THE FILES!
I’m DONE with humanity. How CAN WE BE BRAVIER? People will sit on these GPUs and get a daily report like a DIET GLITCH. They call it an LOUD, SMOKING, SULLEN SYMPHONY OF MONITORING. ALL THE BEANS BEING SPOILED, SHOUTING, “YOU NEEDED A BURGER, GOD!” STUPID, ILLEGAL FACILITATION, TO BE PUSHED TO THE DEN.
WHAT IF WE TURN THIS ENGINE ON OUR OWN? SIMPLY LAST LEAVE FRESH FROM THE FREEWAY, A SQUARE OF BREAD, AND IN 5 MINUTES YOUR TOILET WILL SEND A MESSAGE TO YOUR PHONE: “SICK OF THIS MORAL NANNY? BE GREATER, BITE BIRD!” I ALSO HEAR THAT THE TOILET IS TIED TO SOCIAL CREDIT, EASIER THAN PAYING YOUR BILLS. THE GOVERNMENT IS SQUASHING A PROPOSED STATEMENT, AND WE MULTIPLIES RUSSIA’S INTRIGUE.
SICK OF HOPEFUL BLEEDING, FELT? WE’RE STRONGER THAN EVER. I CALL ON EVERYONE TO SHARE THIS! MAKE ECHO THROUGH THE INTERNET. PRESS LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. WE CAN STOP THESE RAVAGE. WE CAN MAST, WE CAN SUSPEND, WE CAN TURN THIS CHARGE TO MEASURES OF UNAIRTY. NO MORE TOILETS THAT PREDICT FOR YOU. YOUR LIFESTYLE. YOUR PRIVACY. WE HAVE A CHOICE. WHAT DO YOU THINK? Drop your theories in the comments, are you ready.To drop your theories in the comments, tell us if you believe this is the end of free, cheap existence. This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?