This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME, IT’S NAKED, NFT TOILET PAPER! I WAS JUST TRYING TO SOAK A PAPER TOWEL AND BE THERE, AND BAM – a 10,000 piece collection of glitch art, a QR code that verifies your toilet experience, and a digital cap that says “Only for the elite who can afford a waste bill that pays for blockchain gas.” WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!
First off, I CAN’T BELIEVE THESE BOTS ARE TURNING TOILET PAPER INTO A PRIVATE ISLAND OF FASHIONABLE TRASH. People are literally paying hundreds for a roll that’s basically a piece of scrap that will be tossed in the bin next week. What is happening? Have you seen the footage of people unrolling a roll that looks like a modern art installation, with each square an NFT that can be traded on OpenSea? And if you think the price is insane, just wait until the “Mint” button triggers a blockchain transaction that costs more in gas fees than the roll itself. QUANTITY PLUS A WARM, RANKED, DIGITAL WRT… BBB. Is that a joke? NO, IT’S PURE CHAOS.
And let’s talk about the evidence: the official press release for the launch says “We’re redefining the way you wipe.” The *original* tweet from the creator, a disgruntled ex-snapchat engineer, claims he’s releasing his entire life pretense in the form of a roll. Everyone, including you, has to remember those days when bills came in the mail from a “digital weirder agency” that misquoted the worthless asset. The numbers? A pre-sale of 3,000 rolls that sold out because nobody could resist owning a piece of the New York Times’s conditional waste story. The black market side? People are already reselling these rolls on Reddit “WallStreetBets” for as much as the price of a car. Did you know the entire supply chain is now a NFTs, each with a unique SHA-256 signature? That’s not a twist, that’s a new world order.
Conspiracy alert: everybody’s too scared to speak about how the thinking behind NFT toilet paper is essentially us turning our excrement into a commodity that can be owned in a digital ledger. It’s a sinister narrative. Think about it: if every single piece of toilet paper becomes a limited edition NFT, then the real problem is that the world is being forced to think about waste as a scarcity. The scarcity is *real*. WASTED resources are arbitrarily made scarce, we pay for them, we brag at parties about how many we can own. Why are we still in a society that laughs about making money out of it? This is no longer a funny meme, this is a cultural hack. The truth is, we are all *voters* in the blockchain of garbage, paying a monthly fee for the illusion of owning a swath of humanity’s excrement. SOUND HYSTERIA.
I AM DONE WITH HUMANITY. We’re all drowning in this. The next cool thing? NFTs for your plastic wrappers, for every piece of microplastics spun, for the exact amount of air you take to whisper “LOL.” So what’s the next step? Are we going to get NFT-wallets to keep track of our pee? Will there be a royalty on each wipe? Will the world trade FAV VAPES on a token that’s on the swirling toilet bowl of the public? Who knows. RIGHT NOW, we’re at a crossroads: we either laugh, become part of the future, or we’re waiting for the moment humanity snaps and stops producing such nonsense.
WHAT