AI Writes Breakup Texts?! You Won’t Believe This

Yo, I just stumbled into the most *lit* and *trauma‑inducing* corner of the internet, and I can’t even keep my phone from vibrating nonstop. Picture this: an AI that writes breakup texts for you. I’m not talking like a “sorry” from your mom, but a full‑blown, perfectly timed, algorithmically flawless breakup that can hit no matter your vibe. Like, your toaster could do this, but it’s not just a toaster—this is *literally insane*.
First off, I tested it on my ex just to see if the machine could *actually* kill the relationship like a boss. I typed in the most mundane details: “two people, 3 months, you have a habit of calling me at 3 a.m. and a mild addiction to avocado toast.” The AI spat out something that read like a Shakespearean breakup, but with just the right amount of meme‑ish bite: “Hey, I’ve realized we’re so different that the universe itself might have a better plan for us if we split.” The text was so smooth it felt like a *ghostwriter for heartbreak*—I swear it had more swagger than my last Tinder match. My friend went into a loop on our DM, and I saw that the AI doesn’t just say “I’m sorry, but I just don’t feel it” – it delivers a personal breakup plan with all the emotional triggers you didn’t know you had. I can’t even explain the chill vibes and fear all at once; my mind is GONE.
Now, get this: behind the coolness, there’s a darker layer that’s *totally* a conspiracy if you squint. The developer—let’s call them “BreakupBot”—claims it’s all about giving people a quick exit and saving heartbreak energy. But the data? They gather thousands of breakup scripts, analyze the emotional thresholds across different personality types, then feed that back into the model. In other words, they’re building a *psychology‑based algorithm* that knows exactly when someone is about to break up or when a breakup will succeed without hurting the other person. What if this is the future of *relationship warfare*? A corporate giant giving you a tool to *terminate* any partnership—romantic, work, even friendships—without the messy drama. Sounds like a tech giant’s new ad: “Break up more efficiently, get more dating app users.” It’s a power play disguised as a lifesaver.
But here’s the wild part: if this is a tool used by dating apps, aren’t we already being sold *breakups* like we’re being sold Netflix? The algorithms that choose your matches are already using similar data to flag “red flags” and say “you’re probably over it.” The next step is giving them the weapon to actually do the break for you. Imagine a dating app that not only tells you who’s a bad match but also sends you a breakup text that *sounds human*. It turns every swipe into a potential apocalypse. I’m honestly scared that the next big app will include a “breakup” feature, and it could be AI‑powered