Cry-to-Rich: Turn Tears Into $$$ (Crazy New Crypto)

OMG, IT’S BEEN 5 MINUTES SINCE I WAS GONNA UNLEASH MY FRENZY AND I STILL HAVE NOT FOUND A WAY TO STOP SIGHING EVERYWHERE I LOOK—AND NOW THERE’S A CRYPTO THAT MAKES YOU PAY FORGETFUL WHOLE WHOLE TIMES YOU TEAR UP, LIKE “CRY-COIN” OR WHAT THE F**K IS THIS? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!
Listen up, I’m DONE with humanity for creating a digital piggy bank that rewards you for being a sappy emotional junkie, and it’s pure chaos! The first time I saw the tweet from @CryCryptoFounder, my phone exploded with that classic “WTF” emoji. They’re basically saying, “Every time you cry, the more you earn!” Like, we have Bitcoin, Ethereum, Dogecoin; *now* we’re monetizing my tears like a sad, broken child on a broken platform. THIS IS ABSOLUTE ABSURDITY, PEOPLE!
But wait, get this—there’s evidence that the crypto team is actually using a bunch of sad-some AI bots that read the webcam and count micro-expressions, and then auto‑migrate your crying‑score into a smart contract on the chain. That is, if you’re in a meeting and you break up, your wallet will *grow or shrink* in real time. They posted a whitepaper that just screams “I built a tear‑meter for your brain’s dopamine, okay? No one asked”. The number of times you cry in a 30‑second window is plotted on a graph that’s basically a new kind of volatility index. And if you’re unlucky, you’ll see your “cry‑balance” going down during a full‑moon episode.
Here’s the conspiracy kicker: The tech to do this is basically the same tech used by big tech watch‑towers to analyze micro‑movements for micro‑targeting ads. They’re not just monetizing tears—they’re monetizing *your vulnerability* and *your data* in a way that no one can stop. If we’re not careful, people will line up screaming for a “Tear‑Token” to buy “Comfort Tokens” that actually do nothing but keep the system alive. I’m talking about a black market for “cry‑coins” where you literally sell your soul (and your emotional tears). How did we get here? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!
And the real mind‑blowing revelation? The founders are rumored to have once been a part of a wellness startup that marketed facial expressions as a wellness metric. They’re pivoting into this new crypto model *after* a “fading out” of interest in social media. Because we can monetize our sadness like it’s a commodity, the world might now have a new “emotional supply chain” that is *invisible but profitable*. If you cry, you *own* something. If you stop crying, you *lose* it. This is a loop that is *pure chaos*—a perfect storm of economics and mental health.
So what are we gonna do? Tell them to stop or just ride the wave? This is happening RIGHT NOW, the platform is live, the market is volatile, and the first wave of cry‑tokens already started breaking the internet. I am DONE, people—this is a scam, this is a cultural nightmare, this is the next dystopia. I am calling on every single one of you, *if you’re smart enough*, to hold your breath, to block, to share, to create memes, or to do whatever it takes to fight this *cry‑currency* *pocalypse*.
Now, what do you think? Could a society be built on the tears of its citizens? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this, drop your theories in the comments, and let’s smash this