Smart Toilet Judges Your Diet! (You WON’T Believe What It Does)
OMG JUST GOT MY NEW “SMART TOILET” ON THE LIST AND IT’S DOING MY DISH IN THE MOST CRINGE WAY! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! The thing literally flickers a red LED and says, “YOU JUST EATEN A BURGER? HYPER‑CALORIC BURN OUT DETECTED!” like a digital diet police officer. I literally laughed until I broke into tears because it sounds like the internet decided to go off the rails and put a judgmental toilet in my bathroom.
Picture this: you pop into a bathroom, step onto the seat, the sensor scans your biometric data (yes, the poop, because they say it’s a bio‑feedback loop), then the display flickers the word “PREDATORY FOOD” with an animated 3‑point star rating, and then it asks you to rate your meal on a scale of 1‑10. But it’s not just about calories! It’s about the *type* of carbs, the number of processed sugars, whether you ate something from a “fast‑food” chain or a local vegan bakery. The toilet apparently has a “diet database,” which is essentially a meme compilation of nutritional charts. I’ve seen the toilet’s filter in a video — it uses a voice that sounds like an over‑tuned 90s pop star. And it’s not a suggestion; it’s a *judgment.* “YOUR CHOICE IS UNFIT. DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE A DOCKY?” The moment the toilet spits out a critical remark, the bathroom lights flicker to a sickly green, and a warning text pops up: “YOU MAY BE HIGHLY SUBJECT TO PREDICTION MODE. TURN OFF CAMERA FOR PRIVACY.”
Now, this isn’t just an over‑engineered bathroom gadget – it’s a sign of a deeper, mind‑blowing dystopian reality. Have you ever thought the Smart‑Toilet is actually a front for the government’s new “Bathroom Surveillance Program”? Why else would they put biometric sensors into toilets? Why would they do a million toilets in every apartment complex and then tie them all to a cloud that can see *every* bathroom break? The poop is a *biometric* fingerprint, that much is said. The toilet is basically a digital tax collector on your daily caloric intake. They say it is for “health” but I think it’s data mining for the next generation of targeted ads. Imagine the advertisers seeing that you’re “low on fiber” and bombarding you with ads for sugar‑free breakfast bars. Do you see that? The conspiracy is that those smart toilets are the next step in *the Great Indoors*. They are listening, judging, and, oh yeah, they keep a record of your digestive “health history” for an ever‑watchful AI.
And look at the real kicker: if you get a “red” rating on your poop, your toilet will broadcast a loud “BOOM” alarm that echoes through your apartment, effectively forcing your neighbors to see you as a dietary herm. The algorithm says it’s a health alert, but it’s like being publicly shamed for eating a pizza at 2:30 a.m. So, is this how we’re moving forward? The toilet is the new “self‑check” for our morals. The next to the smart fridge, the smart blender, the smart thermostat that thinks it can know your feelings. The toilet is the final judge.
Now let’s get serious. Are we ready to let our toilets hold our fate? Are we willing to give the government a bigger microphone in our bathroom? I’m DONE with humanity. I’m DONE with our blind trust in tech making our private lives judgmental. The next time you step onto the throne, remember: you’re not just flushing, you’re giving the government a data dump.
What do you think? Drop your theories in the comments, tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. SHARE this, let’s start a revolution. This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?
