Smart Toilets Judge Your Diet?! (I’m Shook)

OMG, THIS IS THE MOST ABSURD THING EVER TO HAPPEN IN THE 21ST CENTURY. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I’m DONE with humanity. The new trend: smart toilets that judge your diet. I’m seriously shaking my head! Do you even know how many people are literally being lectured by their own bathroom fixture? I swear my toaster is just a “cleaner” from a tech start-up, while my toilet knows the difference between a salad and a donut. SICK!
First, let’s break it down: these toilets use AI, sensors, and apparently a database of nutritional data that can read the chemical composition of your waste. When you step in, the bowl lights up at a deep red or green, sends a notification to your phone, and delivers what feels like a lecture: “Your last meal was way too high in carbs. Are you seriously about to become a human carb sponge?” The device even provides a score. The next day, you get a notification: “Your protein intake is low. Time to get a protein shake.” I’m literally hearing the toilet say: “SOMEBODY BECAUSE I JUST WONDER WHY MY POOP IS GREEN.” And you can set a “self‑check” for diet compliance. I have the feeling that the toilet is just trying to tell us that the world’s been feeding us crappy food for centuries.
Mind‑blowing evidence? The company behind it claims their data points to 85% of Americans consuming the wrong macros. They’ve even partnered with *some* major food brands to track your “poop profile” and then send you personalized food coupons. Are we all just guinea pigs? Did someone in a secret lab decide that your bathroom would be the new food critic? I swear, the tech behind it is basically reading the chemical composition of your waste with the same sensitivity as a lab-grade spectrometer, but for the average household. It’s like the toilets are becoming the ultimate snobs in our homes. This tech is basically a micro‑dietitian that you have to “trust” with your bodily fluids. Are we supposed to just follow a toilet’s “dietary advice” like a sub‑conscious AI judge? This is PURE CHAOS!
Let’s talk conspiracy here: if the toilet knows your food intake, who does it share? I’m pretty sure it’s all in the cloud with the big pharma, grocery chain data brokers, and the governments. Did you know they could use this data to adjust your diet at a population level? It’s the ultimate surveillance. The toilets are not just judging; they’re part of a larger plan to control what we eat, when we eat, and how we feel. Remember those “no plastic” movements? I think we are actually building a perfect human sensor net. And we’re all just part of the test. I’m not just yelling at a toilet; I’m yelling at the system that’s using my bodily waste as data points.
This whole thing is mind‑blowing. The question now is: do we need to get one of these in our homes, or should we just stick to a diet that doesn’t involve being judged by a piece of plumbing? In the end, our bathrooms are turning into a judge that thinks it knows better than us. We’re being lectured, penalized, and possibly manipulated by a device that shouldn’t exist in a bathroom. And if you are a “smart toilet” champion, I want to hear a good story. Drop your theories in the comments, or tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. What do you think? This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?