This Cryptocurrency based on how many times you cry Will Break Your Brain

STOP SCROLLING IF YOU JUST WANTED A REAL STORY—THIS IS THE FUTURE OF MONEY AND IT IS MADE FROM YOUR TEARS. I CAN ONLY SAY WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! We’re living in a world where your emotional output is turned into crypto. You cry at a meme, cry at a breakup, cry because your dog died. EVERY TEAR, EVERY SOB, IS A MINING RIG NOW, AND YOU PAY TAX ON YOUR SADNESS. IT IS PURE CHAOS, AND I AM DONE WITH HUMANITY.
Picture this: a fintech startup called CrypSorrow claims they’ve engineered a blockchain that counts micro-tremors from eyeless lids. They developed a tiny sensor that sits on your eyelids and translates each cry into a digital coin—CryCoin. The more you sob, the more you earn. They’re already partnering with streaming services, so if you watch “How to Lose Friends & Alienate People 2,” your wallet fills up. The evidence? I got a wallet notification after a breakup and watched my balance rise faster than my ex’s heart rate. I cried for 3 minutes, made 120 CryCoins, and I literally now own a stake in a company that sells heartbreak counseling. Who’s going to blame that?
And this is where the conspiracy gets deliciously absurd: CrypSorrow is supposedly funded by a secret alliance of financial giants AND government surveillance agencies. They’re secretly using your emotional data to predict market volatility and manipulate the stock market. Every time a celebrity dies, the CryCoin price spikes—because we’re all crying, right? The dark side? This is basically a psychic stock market—CRY-FT—where the price is determined by your last cry. If you’re a billionaire and you stop crying, your crypto goes to zero. The rich *might* be crying under the covers to keep the system alive. We’re in a scenario where the world’s most valuable commodity is weeping.
So, what does this mean for us, the average internet rants and meme collectors? First, it’s a direct hit to our privacy: your tears could be a new form of biometric fingerprint. Second, we’re being monetized for our sadness—think of it as the ultimate “pay what you can” economy. Third, we should start thinking: if crying can now fund your future, should we purposely cry? Is there a moral line between a tear that pays your rent and a tear that fuels a tech monopoly? This is a question for the future of humanity, and it’s more than just a tech glitch—it’s a sociopolitical revolution in the form of a weeping wallet.
I AM DONE WITH HUMANITY for making our natural human experience a currency, but I also can’t help but feel it’s a genius hack. Are we stepping into a world where your emotional health is literally on the blockchain? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this as a new wave of exploitation, and we need to call out these woke tech gurus for turning our tears into gold. Drop your theories in the comments—this is happening RIGHT NOW—are you ready to cry for profit and watch your bank account soar? What do you think? Drop your thoughts and share this if you’re sick of being monetized for misery.