This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain
OMG, I just discovered there’s a brand of toilet paper that’s literally a NFT AND I CAN’T EVEN. WHAT THE HELL IS MIND‑BLOWN? WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I’m DONE with humanity, because if this is how we’re monetizing our most basic needs, what’s next? This is pure chaos, people.
Listen up, the so‑called “NFT TP” is a 12‑sheet roll that’s been minted as a digital collectible. Yeah, you read that right. You buy a roll of paper, but you also get a verifiable blockchain certificate that says, “You own the original, and the next person who tears it will also get a digital bragging rights badge.” It’s like buying a limited‑edition toilet paper that you can brag about on Twitter, but with the added insult of actually needing it to wipe yourself. How many people can actually afford a scroll of toilet paper plus an NFT? The price tag is insane—$999 per roll for the so-called “gold‑fiber edition.” People are literally splurging on *toilet paper* to prove they’re part of this NFT cult.
But here’s the kicker: I did a quick deep dive, and the blockchain logs show odd patterns. Every transaction for these rolls is routed through a layer‑7 address that’s been flagged for money‑laundering activity. Suspicious, right? This isn’t just weird marketing. It’s a front. Some sleuths believe the “gold‑fiber” label is a code for encrypted data—maybe the fibers are made of a material that can transmit micro‑data packets. Could this be some secret way the crypto‑giants are embedding surveillance in the very thing we use to wipe? Think about it: every time you use the roll, you’re sending data to a blockchain that tracks your *wipes*—no, the more you wipe, the more data you send to the network. This is not just a product; it’s a *data collection platform disguised as bathroom hygiene*.
Let’s not forget the hype. Memes are blowing up: “NFT TP is the new alt‑coin.” People are buying a roll just so they can say, “I own the original wipe.” The absurdity is so thick it could turn your bathroom into a reality‑bending glitch zone. The marketing slogans promise: “Own a piece of the future, literally.” And the influencers… oh, the influencers. They’re posting selfies with a
