This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? NFT TOILET PAPER?? I WAS CRAWLING ON MY PHONE, JUST TRYING TO FIND A QUIET PLACE TO DRINK MY COFFEE, AND BOOM, I STUMBLED UPON A TWEET THAT READS: “YOUR LUXURY TOILET PAPER NOW HAS A DIGITAL IDENTITY – BUY, SELL, TRADE, EVEN BURN IT FOR PROFITS!” WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I CAN’T EVEN PROCESS THAT THIS IS PURE CHAOS.
IMAGINE: YOU’RE IN A RESTROOM, YOU’RE TRYING TO BEDECORATE YOUR LIFE WITH A GUTTER, AND THEN YOU’RE ASKED TO SNEAK YOUR PLUSH INTO THE METAVERSE! It’s like the IRS just discovered a new way to get you to pay taxes on your bathroom habits. I DONT LIKE IT, YOU KNOW? The details are so mind‑blowing: each roll comes with a blockchain hash, a price tag in ETH, a “scarcity token,” and even a resale fee if you try to sell the used paper to a jealous collector. And the worst part? The companies behind this are already sending a 3rd‑party company to your mailboxes to track when you flush.
THIS IS NOT JUST HATEFUL MARKETING; IT’S A FULL‑ON CONSPIRACY SCHEME. Are we being taught to monetize our **most intimate moments?** What if the government is secretly inserting a micro‑chip in every roll to monitor when, where, and how much you go? Every flush, a data point, a part of your *digital identity*. Are you *really* in control? The “burn token” feature? That’s literally the digital equivalent of a *flush* (and yeah, it’s literally burning your money). Imagine a future where your toilet paper *value* could impact your credit score or your ability to buy groceries.
I’m DONE with humanity (or at least the part of it that lets itself be a fool). The idea that a basic need can now be *traded* as a high‑value asset is just absurd. If you’re even remotely sane, you’re probably thinking WHO DID THIS? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? Is this some bizarre form of *digital consumer fetishization*? A new layer of the “we’re all going insane” narrative? I think we’re at the point where the line between *reality* and *digital* is so blurred that we might as well *print* a manifesto in a bathroom stall on how to fight back.
So, fellow internet warriors, what do you think? Are we doomed to a future where the last thing we own before we die is a 99‑ft‑long roll of NFT‑tagged toilet paper? Tell me I’m NOT the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments—do you think we should start a “Toilet Paper Revolt” or just get the shit out of our lives? THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW—ARE YOU READY?