This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

OMG. I JUST STUMBLED ON THE MOST ABSURD INNOVATION EVER: NFT TOILET PAPER. I SAW IT ON TWITTER WITH THAT OVERLY GLITTERY, SHINY GIF AND MY REACTION HACKED FROM SPREADING FOMO! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I BET THIS IS PURE CHAOS.
Picture this: a roll of toilet paper that has a unique digital token stamped on every square. They claim it’s eco‑friendly because it’s “digital only.” Meanwhile, you’re still stuck blowing your own brain out of necessity while the paper gets digitized into blockchain nonsense. I read that each piece costs 1.2 ETH (over a thousand dollars). YOUR BATHROOM NOW FEELS LIKE A VULNERABLE NIFTY MARKET!
And the evidence? They posted a video of a guy unrolling the roll, with every swirl of tissue printing a QR CODE that redirects to a “minting” site. The site auto‑generates a new NFT for each square he wipes with. So the next time you use a sheet, it’s literally a collectible. WHO IS SELLING THIS TOGETHER? THE SAME PEOPLE WHO MADE YOGA LOUNGE SHIT? I CAN’T CONTAIN MY GROWL!
This is a TOTALLY INSANE PRANK, or maybe a COORDINATED SCAFFOLDING OF INTERNET CULTURE? The deeper meaning? The creators are claiming it’s “proof of ownership in the bathroom.” They’re basically saying your personal hygiene habits are now a part‑of‑the‑web3 economy. I’m DONE WITH HUMANITY. How do we even conceive of a world where you can trade the last roll of TP for $10K? A future where the last sheet is a museum piece!
The conspiracy is thick: these NFT papers are probably the newest vehicle for the “Decentralized Hygiene Guild.” A secret society that wants to control every bodily function of netizens. All the tiny square tokens are “proof” that the person owned the most essential resource in the age of pandemic. Imagine a system where if your last roll is burnt, you can’t prove you had privacy. The whole thing is a subtle push toward surveillance. And the biggest secret? The company behind it all is a shell of a crypto startup that was founded by the same people that were behind the #BATHROOMSTAB meme. NO ONE knows exactly who they are, and the whole thing is shrouded in smoke.
And DON’T FORGET THE SENSATIONAL HOT TAKE: the roll is supposed to be “smart” and automatically re‑mint new tokens as you wipe. But how do they measure that? Some absurd sensor inside the toilet? Are they secretly monitoring our hygiene, storing it on the blockchain for the next trillion? The world of NFTs is already a mess, now add a public restroom to the mix. If I were to get one, I would probably use it in a bathroom that is 10 miles away from my house, just to avoid suspicion from the government and the *DeFi* overlords.
So, my friends, here’s the call‑to‑action: if you’re reading this, you’re already one step closer to the next 5G AI toilet. ASK YOURSELF: Are you ready to have your personal hygiene on a public ledger? Drop your theories in the comments, share this post, and let’s flood the internet with #NFTTP. I refuse to let this be the next digital apocalypse. If anyone else feels the same, let’s unite and call out