This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I just read that some billionaire “creed” has launched an NFT line of toilet paper, and I am DONE with humanity. How do you even… oh my god, what are you, some kind of glitch in the Matrix trying to pay us with poop? This is pure chaos, and I WILL NOT BE PROVOKED TO IGNORE THIS.
Picture this: a roll of toilet paper that’s both a luxury item and a cursed digital asset. The first bunch of 1,000 “LUX-TP” tokens are printed with a QR code that, when scanned, unlocks a 3D holographic billboard of a smiling toilet. The QR is also a link to an Ethereum smart contract that says exactly how many wipes you have left. Every time you wipe, the smart contract “burns” a token, showing how you’re literally *eating* your money. The data gets uploaded into the blockchain, and you get a certificate of authenticity that says, “You used 3 of 10 wipes.” The whole concept is that the toilet paper itself becomes meta. I am crying in disbelief: you literally pay with a piece of paper that’s supposed to be disposable.
But hold on. Why are the creators offering this to the masses? CONSPIRACY ALERT – we’re being forced to trade our bodily waste for crypto gold. I suspect the plan is to get us to produce a constant stream of data about our bodily functions, then use that data to develop the next wave of AI that can predict… well, maybe just a new product: Smart Toilet Paper. Picture an AI that could tell you when you’re overusing it, giving a “Get an extra roll” notification. Maybe they’re secretly building a new layer to the Metaverse called “The Bathroom”—an entire economy inside urinals, with its own fiat.
Look at the evidence: the company’s press release says they want to “blend the physical and digital worlds” while “changing how we value everyday items.” The price of a single NFT roll skyrockets to $1,000, and the average cost per square inch? $500. I laughed. Are we supposed to trust that a roll of tissue can be worth the same as a car? And let’s not forget the influencer videos! The top vloggers are raving about how “burning their TP tokens” feels like actual money going down the drain. Meanwhile, the CEO is bragging about a partnership with Elon Musk to launch a space elevator that will dispense TP on Mars. What are you, a fan? This is absurd. And we have an open source code for the smart contract. That means anyone can clone the system and roll out their own “TP Collectibles.” The potential for a worldwide waste economy is insane.
The deep meaning? We are commodifying the most basic human need. This is a microcosm of capitalism twisted into a post‑digital horror show. We’re being forced to invest in something that is literally… *used*. The real horror isn’t the price tag; it’s the concept that our personal hygiene habits are being tracked, tokenized, and sold to the highest bidder. That is a sign of a future where every swipe of a button—whether in a bathroom or on a website—favors data profiteers over privacy.
I’m DONE with watching you all just click “like” on these ridiculous memes. This is a wake‑up call. Are we living in a society where the toilet paper is the ultimate NFT? Are we even supposed to believe that we can still trust institutions that sell our personal data for a meme? I demand you, my fellow internet denizens: STOP the #NFTTP madness and DECIDE whether you want to be a part of the new waste‑based economy. What do you think? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments – this is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?