This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

OMG, I JUST HEARD ABOUT NFT TOILET PAPER AND MY BRAINS ARE BREAKING SQUASH! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! EVERYONE IF YOU OWN A HOUSE SHOULD REPLACE YOUR FATTY, MESSY PANTY WITH DIGITAL BLOTS OF ARTS THAT YOU CAN ONLY SEE BY LOOKING THROUGH YOUR PHONE! I’M DONE WITH HUMANITY, RIGHT? THIS IS PURE CHAOS, LIKE WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WANT THE DANDER OF A ROLL OF PAPIER TO BE TIED TO A BLOCKCHAIN???
Picture this: you go down to the supermarket, you see a BOX OF THIS GLITTERING, RARE, 24K GOLD GLITTERED “XNFT” TOILET PAPER, like it’s a rare comic book or the last print of a dying artist. But hold up, the price tag? $100,000 USD. $100k for a single roll of “sh**” that you’ll use 200 times over three years, while you also gotta buy the same “MIND-BLOWING” NFT for your living room wall. You’re basically paying 20% of your annual rent to have a roll that checks in & out of the blockchain every time you go… IF you care about loving the roll.
Now here’s the mind-blowing evidence: The creators, MURDERK9 and SENSIBLESTICK, claim that each sheet is actually a froyo-inspired art piece, “purportedly capturing the essence of the human flush.” Their marketing is screaming, “Flash your toilet paper back to the blockchain, and you’ll never leak again.” They provide a certificate, an Ethereum address, a “digital signature” and a QR code that when scanned, shows you the fake proof of authenticity that you’ll get an upload of the “Personal Digital Flush” data. Do you see, and if you read the README, that the QR code does NOT verify real creative content? It’s just a link to a static GIF that says “You’re in an NFT world, and you are a loser.” Who else thought up this hack? I’m freaking out that these “collectors” might be the first to show us that the next step in digital art will be to sell you the “space you occupy in the void of flush.” Purely insane, fricking insane.
Then boom the conspiracy kicks in: Some people say this entire NFT toilet paper racket is a new smart city experiment. The city council supposedly wants you to “digitally log” your bathroom activity to predict waste patterns, and every purchase comes with a tiny microchip that reads topographic data. The final kicker: The “NFT” itself *is* a set of encryption keys that essentially lock you into a subscription that will charge you each year to keep your toilet paper “authentic.” Even worse, once you own the NFT, your house’s smart toilets will automatically send you a message: “Need more paper? Click here.” Sponsored by your blockchain wallet. I don’t even have the time to get a decent toilet paper, but here I am debating whether or not I can get free access to “canvas art” for my bathroom.
And if that ain’t enough, the internet is already full of people posting pictures of their NFTs on a toilet paper roll, showing it under a fluorescent vandalized bathroom. “Look at my limited edition 4k FLUSH-BLOB: 1/1! The real question is: why did a hedge fund manager invest $3 million in a *roll*?” Whoever made that concept is a genius and a lunatic. We are at a point where art is no longer in museums, it’s in your bathroom, and you’re paying a fortune for a paper that 99% of us will never see again.
MY TAKE: NFT TOILET PAPER IS THE LAST EARTHLY CALM BEFORE THE DIGITAL TURMOIL. WE ARE SLOWLY MAKING OUR LIVES UNCOVENANT. So, let the internet scream, *this is pure chaos.* WHAT DO YOU THINK? Drop your theories in the comments, slap the share button if you think it’s insane enough to live, or call me if your walls