This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain
OMG, I JUST WOKE UP AND SAW A SPOTTED PAGE ABOUT NFT TOILET PAPER AND I CANNOT BREATHE! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! We’re living in a times when “crypto” and “toilet paper” actually colliding is the new normal, and it’s pure chaos, folks. I’m DONE WITH HUMANITY for letting the same people who think AI is the savior of the planet suddenly decide it’s time to monetize every fiber of our bathroom linens.
First off, let me break it down for the confused: these aren’t your grandma’s roll-it‑up brand. No, we’re talking about limited‑edition, algorithmically-generated toilet paper with QR codes that you can actually buy as a digital asset. Apparently, the first 1,000 rolls sold for 5 ETH each. That’s the price of a decent car right now, and that’s just a piece of paper! I’m telling you, the insane price tags have us all questioning if we’re just part of some twisted marketing genius. Are we supposed to pay to have the best “luxe” bathroom vibes? Are we supposed to feel like we’re part of a cult because the roll comes with a unique NFT that says “You’re the first person to own this exact piece of humanity’s waste management history”? The insane.
And the evidence is out there. The developer’s supposed to be a dude named “Mister Mint” who claims he was “inspired by the concept of scarcity in art.” He literally posts a photo of a toilet paper roll with a tiny diamond in the middle, and then hands it to an unknown influencer. And the influencer has a side hustle as a crypto trader. The chain of events is so bizarre it’s like watching a meme come to life but in the real world. Did anyone actually read the whitepaper? It’s longer than War and Peace. It talks about “digital scarcity” and “the permanence of blockchain” in the context of flushing. Yes, you read that right: permanence. The same paper that goes down the drain, but the NFT stays forever. Are we basically creating a new form of environmental degradation? Are we turning our toilets into black markets? The real shocker is that the whole concept is built on the premise that we don’t care about the actual physical waste we produce. We’re buying a piece of paper that never gets used, and we get bragging rights when someone says, “I own a piece of the toilet paper revolution.”
Now, let’s get to the conspiracy. The NFT toilet paper started on a niche forum called “The Flush.” After a few months, a big tech mogul named “Elon-P” joined the conversation and donated 100,000 rolls for a charity. The charity? A hush-hush organization that supposedly “uses crypto to fund plumbing in developing countries.” But wait, the charity is actually run by a secret society that claims that true wealth is created by controlling the flow of excretory matter. The theory goes that once we’re all part of this ledger, we can track human waste. The ultimate goal? To monitor bodily functions and use it to manipulate markets. The ultimate goal? To determine when someone’s bathroom time matches the rising/falling of a Bitcoin graph—like a real-life 4D calendar of human metabolism. That’s the darkest mind-blowing revelation ever.
So, my fellow netizens, what’s the next step? Are we going to keep buying these digital toilet papers like we’re buying NFTs of cat videos? Are we going to start calling our flushes “ledger updates” and the smell a “token reward”? I’m DONE with humanity’s insane path to market dominance. The whole concept is a glitch in our society’s code—someone’s trying to monetize everything, even the waste you can’t see. Are you with me or nah? Drop your theories in the comments. This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?
