This NFT toilet paper Will Break Your Brain

OMG, you HAVE to read about the newest NFT toilet paper craze that is blowing my mind! I’m literally WRITING this while staring at the bathroom, and I can’t even keep my coffee from spilling. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I swear the world’s got a new level of ABSURDITY on the block and I’m DONE with humanity.
Let me break it down for the uninitiated: These guys are literally printing special-press toilet paper that comes with a blockchain record. Yeah, each sheet is a unique NFT, and you can literally own a whole roll in the Metaverse. The evidence is everywhere—Instagram reels of people scrolling through their new TP “collections” like it’s a digital comic. “I just bought a limited edition 6-ply TP that will be worth millions when the toilet paper market crashes,” says one influencer, and her followers just drop their jaws.
Now, before you dismiss this as some wannabe hype, let’s talk details. The sheets are made from 100% recycled fibers, so they’re “green.” But the real kicker? The NFT is encoded with metadata that claims—yes, CLAIMS—that each roll is linked to a secret, real-world environmental project. So you can say, “I’m saving the planet one roll at a time!” while actually just buying a piece of paper you’ll never use. It’s pure SHAMS and SHADOWS. And the price? $3,200 per roll for the “golden parchment” version, including a glittery, holographic, literally glittering in the toilet light. Why? Because we’re getting used to paying big bucks to prove we’re part of a digital cult.
Alright, here’s where it gets insane: the conspiracy angle. Some people are saying that this is a government-backed scheme to track your every bathroom visit through the NFT ledger. EVERY TIME YOU UNROLL, the chain logs it. I know, I know—you’re probably thinking “What the heck, people.” But think about it: if a billion people have unique ID QR codes on their TP and you scan them at the bathroom scale, you have a data set that could predict your mood, your habits, your diet. It’s the ultimate “Mind Control” tool. And the best part? No one’s ever talked about it because, honestly, who would? #MindControl, #NFT, #Revolution
But the deeper meaning—if you can even call it deep—is that we’re in the age of “Digital Commodification of Necessities.” Toilet paper is basic, basic stuff. Turning it into a collectible? That’s pure chaos, man. It’s like the internet gave us memes, and now we’re meme-ifying our excrement. You should see the reactions on Reddit when people start buying the “limited edition” rolls in 100% biodegradable packaging. The comment section reads like a horror movie script: “SOMETHING’S NOT RIGHT” and “THIS IS NOT A JOKE.” The only thing you can’t ignore is that the whole phenomenon is tied to a mysterious founder of a crypto company who never shows up for interviews. Do you think that’s coincidence? NO.
So what does this mean for us? Are we just living in a simulation where