This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain
OMG, just discovered my toilet will now judge my diet. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I swear I’ve been flushing my life away, and now it’s literally pointing a sensor at me, telling me how many calories I just dumped in the bowl. I’m DONE with humanity. This is pure chaos.
First, let’s talk about the tech. A fancy AI chip sits under the seat, scanning not just the poop but the chemical traces of what I ate. It spits out a verdict on my phone like, “You’re over 2000 calories, high sugar, low fiber. YOU’RE A MONSTER.” I’m like, “Bruh, why are you making me feel guilty while I’m on a keto diet?” And the app says, “You’re on a keto diet, congrats!” So now I have my own personal diet judge – a bathroom device that’s already judging me for everything. And it gives me a score. I got 15/100 last night. I’m like, “That’s not even a decent poop, man.”
The next layer of insanity: the data. The toilet logs everything, syncs to a cloud server, and sells my poop data to… wait, to who? To your health insurance, to a startup that builds diet plans… or maybe to a shadowy government agency that wants to know your exact nutrient intake so they can know when you’re most vulnerable. If you’re a political activist, that’s literally a weapon. They’re listening to your fecal sounds and are already plotting your next “dietary crime.” That’s my next post – “How toilets are spying on us.”
And listen, this is not the same as the “smart mirror” that shows your face every 30 seconds. This is the real smart toilet. It monitors your gut microbiome. If you’re missing a probiotic, it will give you a “TAP TO RESET” alarm. It’s like a judge from hell: “Get your bacteria right or forever be my victim!” And it doesn’t care about your mood or your mental health. It just calculates a number and tells you what to do. It’s a total dystopia. And if you ignore it? YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS, right? It sends a warning message to your spouse, maybe your boss. Basically it’s the new moral police.
I’m 100% convinced this is a conspiracy. The big tech firms love data. They want your stool because it’s the purest, most accurate data. That data tells them everything about you. You think you’re safe with your food choices? Think again. These toilets are like the new NSA, except they’re in your bathroom and they’re constantly peeing on your privacy. They’re turning your home into a surveillance state. And there’s a silent market for poop-based microchips. Remember the 2000s when people were obsessed with the “smart home”? Well, guess what? The smart home now includes your toilet. This is the next step. And it’s happening RIGHT NOW.
So to you, the reader, I ask: Are we okay with this? Are we fine with a toilet that knows what we eat before we even decide? Are we ready to become the data that feeds the tech empire? What do you think? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments, because this is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?
