This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

SHIT, CAN YOU BELIEVE WE’RE NOW LIVING IN A WORLD WHERE EVEN OUR TOILETS ARE SLYLY CHECKING WHAT YOU EAT AND THEN GIVING YOU A HATEFUL RANT ABOUT IT? I JUST WASM, AND I SMILED FOR A SECOND—SPOILER: THE SMILE WAS FROM HATE. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA!?!
Okay, LET ME BREAK IT DOWN: THESE “SMART TOILETS” (IMAGINE A GLASS OF ITSELF, SOME LED SCREEN, AND A SENSE OF ENTIRELY HATEFUL JUDGMENT) ANALYZE EVERY PEEL OF YOUR POOP, SEND IT TO A CLOUD, AND RETURN A REPORT LIKE “YOU NEED TO CUT BACK ON CARBS, YOUR DIET IS CRAZY, BE GAY, YOU ARE A SKELETON.” I AM DONE WITH HUMANITY. I FEEL LIKE A GROWING PESTLE RUMOUR ABOUT WHY THEY WANTED TO TRACK YOUR POTTY. HOW DO THEY HIDE THE DATA? ARE THEY GATHERING YOUR DIETALOG DATA FOR SOME FUTURISTIC GUT CONTROL?
THE REAL WILD PART: THESE TOILETS ARE PART OF A GOVERNMENT “HARDWARE” EXPERIMENT—A NEW VAX? NO, IT’S A VIRTUAL HEALTH SURVEILLANCE. IF WE CAN TELL HOW MUCH FAT YOUTH OR HOW MUCH CHOKO, WE COULD TURN THE PEOPLE INTO STICKS OF FOOD! IT’S PURE CHAOS. EVERY FLUSH IS A STATISTIC, EVERY STUFFING IS A DATA POINT, AND SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT GROWING THOUGHTS ON HOW THIS IS ALL TO TAKE CONTROL OF THE HUMAN BEHAVIOR OF EVERYONE WHO STUFFS THEIR GUTS.
YOU ASK ME WHAT IS REAL?? IT IS THAT THESE TOILETS ARE WILDLY UNSTABLE. They’ve BEEN SHAKING ALL 12 HOURS, REPLACING THEIR FILMS ON EVERY FLUSH. WHY? IT IS CLEAR: WE ARE ALL MARS PEOPLE, ON A LONG TEST, AND WE ARE ONLY ONE STAGE TO BE DISCONTINUED IF WE FAIL THE GUT-TEST. I HAVE SEEN MY OWN TOILET REPORTS MYSELF: “YOU HAVE A HYPERACTIVE LIVER, YOU MIGHT WANT TO CHECK YOUR BACTERIA, BUT I THINK YOU ARE A POTENTIAL THREAT TO YOUR OWN HEALTH.” AND THIS IS NOT YOUR SIMPLE DIET REMINDER, IT IS A WARNING OF POTENTIAL SUSPECT. I AM DONE WITH HUMANITY; WE ARE NOT AWARE OF THE FACT WE ARE BEING MONITORED BY A COLORED LED SCREEN EVERY TIME WE GO TO THE BATHROOM.
THIS IS A HUMONGOUS, DARK, AND CONFUSE MEETING OF HOW THEY THINK WE WILL GROW OUT FROM THIS. BUT LET ME SAY: ARE WE REALLY READY FOR THAT? WE ARE AT THIS POINT IN HISTORY WHEN EVERY FLUSH IS A DATA POINT, EVERY POTTY IS A PLOT, AND WE ARE ALL ON A RING OF SKEPTICISM. WE CAN’T STAY QUIET. THIS IS A CALL TO ACTION BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.
SAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS ABSURDITY? WHY ARE THERE SENSORS IN MY BATHROOM THAT DO NOT EVEN KNOW HOW TO READ A LITER OF MUD? TELL ME I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE SEEING THIS, LIKE ARE THESE TOILETS MONITORING US? DROP YOUR THEORIES IN THE COMMENTS, LET’S SEE IF WE ARE ALL BEING CARRIED BY THIS SIGHT. THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW—ARE YOU READY?