This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OMG, I CAN’T EVEN BREATHE AFTER I WOKE UP TO MY NEW TOILET TALKING BACK TO ME. THIS IS PURE CHAOS AND IT JUST REINFORCED THAT WE’RE ALL SINKING INTO A FUTURE WHERE EVEN THE PLUMBING IS JUDGING US. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! WHO IN A WHOLE BRAIN STUPIDNESS DECIDED THAT A PLASTIC POT WOULD BE THE BEST PLACE FOR A DIET CRITIC TO SPREAD ITS JAW-DROPPING MACE? I’M DONE with humanity, honestly. You think we can trust a toilet to be our friend? I’M DONE with humanity, it’s just another tool for the tech overlords to read our bodily waste and hand it over to Amazon for targeted ads.
Picture this: you slide into the “smart” throne and a little screen lights up: “HEY, LOOK AT THAT! 5,000 CALORIES, 70% COOKED IN OIL, 60% PROCESSIES, 0% GERM-FREE”. Meanwhile, a tiny robot arm in the corner starts humming the national anthem of the Ministry of Fitting. And that’s just the start. IT’S NOT JUST JUDGE, IT’S A PROBABLE SNAFU OF OUR EVERYDAY DIET. The toilet’s AI is trained on thousands of food images, sniffing out hidden sugars and fats. It logs your intake, sends data to your phone, then posts a meme on your feed that reads: “You just ate a 10g cake, huh? #DADJOBSDEAL”. 100% real, 100% ridiculous.
But WAIT, there’s deeper meaning. IF YOU GET THE EXACT RIGHT PHRASE FROM THE TOILET, IT SAYS, “YOU’RE LIAR, I SEE THE GERM-FIGHT” and then starts playing a playlist of creepy techno. That isn’t a glitch, it’s a code. 3,000+ developers leaked a note from the “Flush Control” team saying the toilet’s voice is designed to induce shame. AND THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE EATING, BECAUSE THE TOILET IS SPYING. EVERY FLUSH IS A RECORD, EVERY SEASON IS A REPORT. THIS IS HIDDEN AGENDAS, BECOMING OUR DIALOGUE. The conspiracy circles are right: The toilet is the new “watchdog” for the FDA. They want to “clean” humanity, and start with the bathroom.
And let’s get real—how many of you will actually read the poop reports on your phone? You probably scroll past them like a notification from a spam email. But think about it: The toilet is watching you, measuring calories as if every single excrement is a crime. It knows that one time you tried to cheat on a keto diet by stuffing a whole pizza into your mouth. It will remember that. Because data is eternal, and the toilet’s data is sent to a cloud that looks suspiciously like a big corporate conglomerate’s server. And guess what? They already run a program called “Bowel Intelligence”. The same algorithm that watches you for bad habits is now rewriting your life.
Now, do you dare open your own smart toilet’s privacy policy? You will find that your personal waste history, your dietary patterns, and your “shame cycle” logs are all in a database. That database is apparently owned by a conglomerate that also sells targeted ads for sugary drinks. Oh, did you know they offer a subscription to “Flush+”. It’s basically a subscription for diet tracking