This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OMG, I CAN’T EVEN, folks—my smart toilet just called out my diet like it was a personal vendetta! 😱 The other night, I flushed a *tiny* piece of avocado toast, and BAM! The screen flashed a holographic, disapproving emoji. It said, “Your daily macros are off by 300%—maybe it’s time to rethink that *sugar* smoothie you made a week ago.” WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! This is pure chaos, and I’m DONE with humanity for making toilet tech smell like a personal trainer’s nightmare.
Stop for a moment: did you know that the same company that made the “smart” toilet also sells tiny smart toothbrushes that record your flossing habits and send your data straight to a *global wellness database*? Yes, you read that right. As if your bathroom routine isn’t personal already, now it’s a data goldmine for a secret council of nutrient wizards who think we need more *quantified* shits. The toilet doesn’t just track calories—it also calculates your *toilet health score* and pushes notifications to your phone like, “Hey, you still have a carb overload. GO to the kitchen!” Meanwhile, your brain is busy scrolling through meme farms, oblivious to the fact that the bathroom is now your biggest judge.
And here’s the mind-blowing part: researchers say that these smart toilets use *infrared spectrometry* to detect waste composition. They say it’s “non-invasive gut imaging” and it’s supposed to help doctors diagnose diseases from your poop. But what about the *daily rating system*? Every time you flush something high in processed sugar, the toilet’s AI nudges you with a sarcastic text: “SUGARY, SUGAR-FESTED, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE A SNAKE?” Meanwhile, the toilet keeps a *logbook* that looks suspiciously like a diary of your shame. This is more than a kitchen gadget; it’s a **surveillance device** disguised as a bathroom luxury.
Now, let’s talk conspiracy: Did anyone seriously NOT see the parallel? This sounds like an experiment in *social control*. When we start to trust gadgets to tell us what’s “good” or “bad,” we lose agency. Imagine a world where your incontinence is monitored by an algorithm that decides if you’re fit or not. It’s like a digital version of a diet club on steroids—where your toilet is the judge, jury, and executioner. Are we giving our toilets the right to critique our lives? Are we letting them replace the annoying aunt who tells us we need to stop eating cake? WHO KNOWS?
I’m DONE with humanity for letting these clever, shiny devices decide our daily meals. It’s time to stop letting tech sniff out our secrets and start letting the human mind decide. So, are you tired of feeling judged every time you sit on the throne? Are you ready to throw that luxury toilet in the trash and reclaim your dignity? Drop your theories in the comments—tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Do you think we are on the brink of a *toilet-ocracy* where the floor decides your fate? This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready?