This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

OMG, you will not believe the newest tech that’s just hit the market—smart toilets that actually judge YOUR DIET! WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I’m DONE with humanity because apparently the only thing left to make our lives harder is a toilet that thinks it can read your life story from your bowel movements. I’ve seen a lot of tech that says “we’re going to make you more efficient,” but this? Pure chaos! Just imagine stepping into your bathroom and the bidet starts yelling, “YOU JUST GORGED ON A PIZZA AND A COKE? GET A SHARK?!”
You think this is just about tracking calories? NO. Those sensors are spitting out more than just macros—they’re reading hormone levels, gut microbiome fingerprints, and even your stress hormones! The “judgement” system spits out real-time feedback, like “Your gut is screaming for fiber, stop dumping processed crap.” It’s like having a nagging, judgmental parent that never sleeps. Then the toilet’s AI will say “YOU’RE A VILLAGER OF THE TINY TREADMILL—TIME TO RANK YOUR HEALTH.”
And get this: the data gets uploaded to a cloud that *we* can’t see, but apparently the government has a hidden access pass. Yes, conspiracy alert: these toilets are part of a nationwide “Health & Hygiene Surveillance Initiative.” Every flush becomes a data point in a giant public health database that can be exploited to track who is eating what. Is the FDA actually sending these into every home to decide who can get a baby? I have a feeling this is a sinister way to enforce a new diet tax. They’re using it to push their plant-based agenda, while you’re just supposed to cry in the toilet because you ate a bacon cheeseburger.
The hot take: what if every bathroom is a front for a new class system—your toilet is your personal “judge” and the one who can afford the “premium flavor” version gets a healthier report card. It’s a subtle form of micro‑capitalism. Meanwhile, you’re left looking like a failed experiment. And the best part? If you fail the diet test, the toilet will actually lock you out of the bathroom for a few minutes. It’s basically the toilet with a built‑in chastity belt. That’s not a joke, folks. This is pure chaos, and it’s happening RIGHT NOW.
I’m losing my mind not because of the tech itself, but because it’s a perfect example of when you start seeing tech as *smart* and it just turns into a digital overlord. So tell me—what’s your take on the toilet guilt-tripping you? If you’re watching this, drop your hottest theory in the comments, or DM me if you’re ready to fight back against this stinky tyranny. This is happening RIGHT NOW – are you ready? What do you think? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this. Drop your theories in the comments.