This Smart toilets that judge your diet Will Break Your Brain

WHAT’S UP INTERNET, EVER HEARD ABOUT SMAR TOILETS THAT JUDGE YOUR DIET?! I WOKE UP TO A SQUISHY TUT-TUT, THOUGHT IT WAS MY KITCHEN CLOCK, AND THEN THEY STARTED SPOOKY-ANALYZING MY POTATO SQUASH BITE. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I BEG FOR A TRASH CAN AND A PRAYER, NOT A FINKY COCKTAIL OF AI AND SECRETHS.
First, the tech: a sensor in the seat reads moisture, pH, even the carbon footprint of the food you just swallowed. Then the toilet blinks like a malfunctioning traffic light and sends a message to your phone: “YOUR SALAD IS OUT OF SYNC. 20% TOO HIGH CO2” and a notification that your dinner has been reported to the “health department.” Seriously, did the toilet just gloat over my kale? It’s like a personal barista with a mood ring that says “YOU NEED A DIET PLAN.”
The evidence is plain: every “smart” toilet brand comes with a data portal where you’re forced to sign up, agreeing that you consent to “analysis and AI improvement.” That’s a data dump, not a dinner companion. And the best part? The “feedback” is sent to your employer’s wellness program so they can keep tabs on your calorie intake. It’s a modern, flushable surveillance state. If your bathroom is the only place you feel safe, you can count me in.
Now, the conspiracy (yes, I have one): this isn’t just about diet. It’s about controlling the population. The big toilet manufacturers, partnered with the USDA, are secretly mapping your eating habits to produce targeted ads. You think you’re choosing health, but the toilet is feeding the data to algorithmic overlords who decide which products you should buy and which government health guidelines to follow. These sensors are basically mobile stethoscopes for a data army. And who is paying for this? Google, Amazon, the NSA—everywhere you don’t want them.
Imagine your bathroom becoming a confession booth, but not just for sins, for calories. They might use your data for “health scores.” “You have a 90% risk of heart disease based on your last banana binge.” Then they slide an ad for a heart monitor into your pocket. So yeah, your most personal time is now judged by a porcelain judge, making you question your entire existence.
I am DONE with humanity for letting us outsource decisions to a plastic throne. WHY IS STYLISH, LED-ILLUMINATED ANALOG SEATING A BECOME A CRUSADER FOR HEALTH? It’s pure chaos, and it’s happening RIGHT NOW. The next time you think about a vegan diet, think about the voice that will say “YOU ARE STILL HUMAN” in a metallic tone. This is not a fun gadget—it is a front line of a new data war. Don’t let your poop become the next data point.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? Tell me I’m not the only one seeing this, drop your theories in the comments, and if you want to fight back, share this with your friends. This is happening RIGHT NOW, are you ready to stop letting toilets judge your life?