🔥 Things That Shouldn’t Exist

OMG, I CAN’T EVEN. I JUST READ ABOUT A NEW CRYPTO THAT RATES YOUR CREDIBILITY ON HOW MANY TIMES YOU CRY AND IT’S A TOTAL SHIT SHOW. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! Imagine the world’s most passive investors…

OMG, YOU CAN’T JUST STAY HOME AND STAY ALONE—THERE’S A WHOLE BUNCH OF PETS SHARING THEIR SHAFTS THROUGH APP MODE. I ROARED THE FIRST TIME I saw a “PawMatch” link pop up on my feed. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A…

OMG YOU GUYS, STOP RIGHT THERE—you just KNOW what I’m about to drop on you. I’m talking about the newest, most insane, downright insane product that the *infinite internet* is breathing down our throats: NFT toilet paper. Everyone’s been scrolling,…

OMG, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? A Cryptocurrency THAT’S TIED TO HOW MANY TIMES YOU CRY! I CAN’T EVEN… WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! I’m DONE with humanity, and this is pure chaos. If you thought Bitcoin was…

I swear my dog just got ghosted by a cat on Tinder – and I’m still trying to convince him that it’s not a phase. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! If you’re reading this, you’re probably living with…

Saw the new AI‑generated potato chips on my feed this morning and I thought, “LOST?!” They’re literally chips that scream when you bite them. WHAT IS THIS, THE FUTURE OF CRUNCHY UNSTOPPABLE HAIR? I’m DONE with humanity when they start…

YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME, IT’S NAKED, NFT TOILET PAPER! I WAS JUST TRYING TO SOAK A PAPER TOWEL AND BE THERE, AND BAM – a 10,000 piece collection of glitch art, a QR code that verifies your toilet…

EVERYONE’S RIPPING OUT THEIR BATHROOMS LIKE IT’S A CHICKEN NEST, Y’ALL. I JUST WOKE UP TO FIND MY HI-TECH JUMPING JOINT OF A SMART TOILET STANDING IN MY BATHROOM, HOLDING MY DIET LIKE A MAGAZINE REVIEWER. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS…

EVERYONE, STOP LISTENING! I JUST SHARED MY COLLIE’S PROFILE ON A PET-LOVE APP AND IT GAVE HIM A MATCH WITH A DOG THAT LIVES INSIDE A FLAT IN HONG KONG—WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?! Think about it for…